Hmmmm

well...the day seems so long ago that i wrote the last piece, i still cant remember the time when i sat to jot it down. the wedding seems a evanescent memory, satyam is what i have joined and have gone through the rigours of training. i felt it was more of fun and enjoyment than studies really. but what i have felt often, maybe more than what i ever had felt in the last few years is loneliness. im surrounded by 126 batch mates every single day, yet i feel a sort of vaccuum that cannot be filled by them. every day seems to be such the same as the last one. i manage to find pleasure in whatever i do, god bless for that otherwise i dont really know how i would have ended up. im back home now, in the comforts and luxuries that had eluded me all the time in hyderabad, my workplace. no television no radio or any kind of music, and i used to crave for that all the time. here i have been for a couple of days and already i have felt that television does not hold for me the same value as it did when i did not have it. maybe i will not miss it too much when i go back this time around. but the biggest thing going for me these last few years was the fact that i used to strive to be away from home as much as possible. the reason that i used to explain to myself was freedom could not be something that i could really get at home. away from home im a free man. not that my parents would hold me back for anything, i fact i feel lucky that i have them as my parents, some other colleagues i have seen are so bound by this pressure that their parents put on them. mine have been very very unrestrictive and im thankful for that. but now that i am at home, i feel a sort of responsibility that i had not felt for a long time. maybe time has come when i should think about moving back to delhi, my home place. i cant bear for my parents to be alone all the time. papa is very tough but even he requires someone to take care of him, he cant do that all by himself. and that is where i feel i should fit in. to do the chores that my brother performed when he was here and that i should perform as i am here. maybe its time to rise above my own selfishness and start repaying the debt that i owe to my parents, the time and effort that they have devoted all these years to make my life this easy. ill think along these lines from now on, and grab the first oppurtunity that i get to come back home.