Who lost what

For the best part of this week and last, I tried to put pen to paper and jot down my agony as Lehman became bankrupt. I grappled for words which could best depict my helplessness, anger and desperation in the past week. I tried to put into words feelings which I realized I could not. And it is in these times of pain and agony that you realize what someone in a similar situation in another company or georgraphy would have undergone. For the duration of the uncertainty, you become brothers with that other unknown person. It is also these times in which you realize that fine line between friends and pretenders. And though I'm not out in the clear yet, I can still recall the events of the past couple weeks and have many takeaways from it. But most of all, I realized that I hadnt lost anything. Sure, my job and career was and still is at risk, the prospects in the job market dim and all my dreams and plans with the near and dear ones shattered. Yet I have a family to fall back on, my prior savings to keep me going for months and no real liabilities, wives or children to provide for. For all my senior counterparts, who have been in the firm for years, the loss has been substantial. Years of loyal service and hardwork were rewarded with handsome pay packages and benefits but most of them being in the form of stock options. What was designed for the benefit of the employees and the firm, with a view that employees with vested stock options in the company would have a sense of ownership of the firm, became the cause of grief for many. It was cruel irony for people who held on to the shares and watched it dive from $70 to around $20 and then down to zilch. It was as if they were being castigated for showing loyalty. The older the employee, the greater the loss. People lost their entire savings in the bankruptcy. Many had taken up huge mortgages against the securities and are now saddled with huge interest payments which have become unaffordable. For many, the Lehman Stock represented savings for the college education of a young one, for others it meant retirement savings. I had a conversation with my analyst immediately after bankruptcy and he sounded more despondent than anyone I have ever spoken to. I had naively thought then that it might have been a late night for him and therefore he was still drowsy after waking up. I recall that same tone now and realize that there may not have been much sleep that night for him and for many nights thereafter. He had some months ago talked avidly of the investment he had made in Mumbai and the plans he had of visiting his family in Jaipur and going to visit the Taj Mahal. All that went up in smoke in a matter of hours on that fateful Sunday. One newspaper had reported that Lehman's failure was personal for its employees. It couldn’t have been truer.

What have I lost in comparison. A job….Not my entire future.