Hmmmm

well...the day seems so long ago that i wrote the last piece, i still cant remember the time when i sat to jot it down. the wedding seems a evanescent memory, satyam is what i have joined and have gone through the rigours of training. i felt it was more of fun and enjoyment than studies really. but what i have felt often, maybe more than what i ever had felt in the last few years is loneliness. im surrounded by 126 batch mates every single day, yet i feel a sort of vaccuum that cannot be filled by them. every day seems to be such the same as the last one. i manage to find pleasure in whatever i do, god bless for that otherwise i dont really know how i would have ended up. im back home now, in the comforts and luxuries that had eluded me all the time in hyderabad, my workplace. no television no radio or any kind of music, and i used to crave for that all the time. here i have been for a couple of days and already i have felt that television does not hold for me the same value as it did when i did not have it. maybe i will not miss it too much when i go back this time around. but the biggest thing going for me these last few years was the fact that i used to strive to be away from home as much as possible. the reason that i used to explain to myself was freedom could not be something that i could really get at home. away from home im a free man. not that my parents would hold me back for anything, i fact i feel lucky that i have them as my parents, some other colleagues i have seen are so bound by this pressure that their parents put on them. mine have been very very unrestrictive and im thankful for that. but now that i am at home, i feel a sort of responsibility that i had not felt for a long time. maybe time has come when i should think about moving back to delhi, my home place. i cant bear for my parents to be alone all the time. papa is very tough but even he requires someone to take care of him, he cant do that all by himself. and that is where i feel i should fit in. to do the chores that my brother performed when he was here and that i should perform as i am here. maybe its time to rise above my own selfishness and start repaying the debt that i owe to my parents, the time and effort that they have devoted all these years to make my life this easy. ill think along these lines from now on, and grab the first oppurtunity that i get to come back home.

Another Day in Paradise

dated-sometime before july 2005

another day, and more time being spent on thinking bout ways of how to spend it. for my life has almost reached a full stop, and that almost is also because of the mba classes i attend at the end of the week. other than that, its back to the same routine, waking up early, going for a walk in the park, which in recent times has lost its allure, reading the newspapers, watching a crass movie on the tele, surfing the net on my ultra slow broadband connection(though that actually helps as it aids in whiling away time with the web pages taking an eternity to just open) , studying a little, sleeping in the afternoon and then maybe watch some more tele after which its time to call it a day. and yes not to forget, sometimes the phone calls from my friends helps break this monotony. august(when i get to join satyam computers) seems so far away, i just dread the in between time that is there. yes, there is a trip to calcutta, to give my final semester presentation at the end of the month and my cousin's marriage which is gonna be one hectic affair, the worst part about it being the fact that i hate going to marriage parties, and here im going to be involved. if that isnt bad enough already, all my friend have already started their jobs, already have started earning while im still at a stage where every week i have to spread arms before my parents for the petrol money and for everything i do, even if i have to go for a movie. my brother keeps busy in his friend circle(which i find a bit too high class to my liking) add to that my growing discomfort at not having my best friends here, and i have nobody to talk to and have to keep all my feelings bottled up. my weight's increasing due to all the inactivity, and im having a tough time trying to bring it under control. its hard enough to go on a diet(after all im at home and all the delicacies in the world that i missed at my hostel are very accessible). hmmm, im thinking can i add more shit on top of the already overgrown pile of problems. but hey, ive run out of time, the web page i opened at the start of this piece has finally loaded. bye then for now.