Sunday, January 17, 2010
Nawabs - Batch of 2005 -- Represented in 2018 by the next generation
"Thats Rajiv jnr", whispered Jacko in Akky's ear. "His dad was a maniac my dad tells me. He would hound poor souls all day long and pounce on the smallest of stumbles. Looks like he has inherited some of the traits from his father."
"Really!! I didnt know he was that way!", said Akky, from up on the tree trunk that he was perched on, legs dangling on either sides, hands holding down a two feet length of wood perpendicular to the trunk in front as if holding a bike handlebar.
"Yes, yes. Didnt your dad warn him from you?"
"No, not really. He tells me some stories, but most of them zooming across the highways on his Hayabusa", and continued twisting the piece of wood, as if steering his imaginary bike through thick traffic.
But Jacko had already drifted away, no longer interested in the conversation. He was busy tracing the path of a young slim figure making way to the school lobby entrance; bag dangling behind, water bottle to one side and busy adjusting the strands of hair that streamed the young face.
"Pffff", said Akky as he looked in the direction of the girl who was attracting his friend's attention. "Not your type!”
But Jacko was off, trance-like in the direction of his new crush-of-the-day.
Akky gave a smirk and resumed his animated imitation of a biker, very much in the thick of the action.
“Not again! Haven’t I told you not to do that? It irritates me to see you and your tomfoolery”, said Kabhi looking at him with an expression of exasperation.
“Why don’t you look away then? I’m sure there are enough souls that you can pester!”
Before a reply could be uttered, the school bell rang and Akky sighed, having to lose his favorite morning pass time. He thought if only his dad would give him a bike as present, instead of the yellow colored cycle that he had and so despised.
“Please settle down everyone and take out your answer books. I hope you have done your homework, rather, if I catch someone who hasn’t done it, it will be two canes for him/her. So let me not catch you with the homework not done!” bellowed the spectacled Mrs Das. She picked up the board duster and brushed off the scrawls on the board, stopping at one drawn on the bottom corner which particularly miffed her. “Who has done this? Who has dared to commit this blasphemy? If there is one thing I won’t tolerate, it is disrespect of the holy Gods and scriptures. Understand!!” The final word was delivered with such force, such hate and anger that first benchers quivered. The last bench was a different story altogether, with most suppressing smiles which bore complete disregard for the bellower.
“Damn!” I couldn’t complete my masterpiece, whispered Sparsh. “It would have been legen…wait for it...”
“Daary!” said Kabhi, beaming a big smile to Sparsh.
“Its dary and not daary idiot! How many times do I have to tell you that!” said a visibly upset Sparsh, having missed his opportunity to complete the one phrase that was his favorite.
“Ji malik. Galti ho gayi!”, this time Kabhi’s smile not carrying the same frivolity as before.
All this was done at suitably low decibel so Mrs Das continued. “If I find the one who has done this, mind you, nothing less than detention for him/her, you get that!”, she rubbed off the scrawl of an inverted cross, complete with a poor artist’s version of Christ. T’was enough though to offend Jakko who looked with positively venomous looks towards Sparsh who returned the look with a broad smile and a middle finger, which irked him even more.
“So, question 1 of yesterday’s homework. Where would you find the Great Barrier Reef?”
“Australia!” was the immediate response from the back of the class, Rajiv jnr, very excited to have answered.
“Who said that without turn! Stand up whoever it was who answered!” at which Rajiv stood up. “Look at you, it’s the first period and your hair all messed up, your shirt half tucking out of your shorts! Don’t your mom and dad see to it that you look proper for school in the morning?! Tuck it in now and comb your hair, and don’t speak out of turn. Raise your hands if you know the answer. Understand?!”
“So next question; where will you find a Great Wall, which is visible from the Moon as well?”
“Australia!” jumped Rajiv jnr from his seat almost before the question was completed.
This time though, Mrs. Das was not in a tolerant mood and made it a point to send Rajiv jnr out of the class for disrespect. “Get out you devil!! You rascal! You will be on my radar come the next parent teacher meeting, you get me! I will not let you off the hook that easily this time!” The class was hushed as the young pupil made his way out of the class. The walk out was silent and solemn but as soon as the class exit was reached, Rajiv jnr did a little pelvic thrust towards Mrs. Das as she had turned away. This sent the class into peals of laughter.
“What’s the matter with this class! I can’t believe what you people find so funny in this punishment. Keep shut or I’ll make sure each one of your parents get a good hearing from me come the parent teacher’s meeting!’, she screamed aloud obviously disgusted. Then calming down she continued, “So now, next question and please raise your hands before answering. We are moving on to some general mathematics questions now.”
A boy starts from home with 20 rupees with him. He has to buy a kilo of potato, tomato, ladyfinger as well as 50 grams of coriander leaves, also known as hara dhaniya in Hindi. All vegetables cost 5 rupees a kilo. So what does he spend at the shop to get all the vegetables?” Hands shot up in the class as this was one of the easiest questions in the homework and everyone wanted to be the hero and answer correctly in class. Mrs. Das picked Ishant though amongst all the students as he seemed almost out of his seat in an excitement to answer. “Yes Mr. Ishant, you seem to be quiet excited about this one, let us all know the answer please”.
“Very simple mam, 15 rupees”, he said with a big smile on his face.
This really annoyed Mrs. Das as she had expected that at least this one would be answered with ease. “Cant you even do a simple math problem Mr. Goyal!”, she bellowed. There are 3 kilos of vegetables to be bought all for 5 rupees per kg, that’s 15 rupees right there. Then he has to buy the dhaniya as well, what about that!! The answer can’t be 15 then now can it?”
“But mam, itni sabzi ke saath toh dhaniya muft milta hai!” said Ishant very matter of factly, to rounds of laughter from the classroom.
“Shut up! you acting smart Ishant! You want to join you friend outside the class as well?”
“But Meerut main toh milta hai. Main toh hamesha….” the answer was drowned out by the squeals of laughter from all round.
This had Mr Goel joining Rajiv jnr outside the class.
“Why were you arguing? I agree you made a good point, but then this was a math question, why argue?”, was Rajiv jnr's first retort as he had also witnessed the scene from outside the class.
“But yaar who pays for dhaniya when you are buying so many vegetables. Papa never pays, and he makes sure that hari mirch is added as well….”
But inside the class, there was mayhem again. This time, it was none other than chubby Bratyush who was standing up, wheezing and one hand holding a handkerchief to his nose.
“Mam, I just can’t sit in this seat, Dheeraj in front of me just applied some green colored grime to his head and it stinks really bad. My wheezing has come back!”
This had Dheeraj hopping mad. “I never says anythings to you when you uses your medicines and creams. My dad use this and his hair is very shining and I am also using this. It doesn’t smell, it is sort of different scents, but not smells.”
“Yes, yes, I agree with Dheeraj, hair is very important”, argued Ghastav, wearing a cap to hide his already diminishing mane.
As more people joined into the ruckus, Mrs. Das felt helpless; and not for the first time in her teaching career. She did nothing to stop the chatter, having given up and feeling utterly helpless. Her gaze scanned the breadth of the room in an effort to find someone who she could find for motivation, someone who she could proudly call a good student, a model student, a benchmark for others to follow. Her look fell and moved on from many students disapprovingly; Mr Thakur, who was enjoying the mayhem, Pepsi in one hand and Bhujia in the other, Labhijeet, who was doing his own version of “tum toh thehere pardesi” with clapping and imitations which could have put any eunuch to shame, Mr. Fachin, who was busy gazing at his Sehwag cards and occasionally looking up to admire the song his good friend Labhijeet was bleating out. And finally her gaze fell on one student and instantly she knew that he was the one she was looking for. Looking dashing in his ironed and starched shirt, neatly done tie and perfectly combed hair, sat Puneet jnr, looking disapprovingly at the others fighting amongst them. Not for nothing was he the topper of the class and the favorite of all and sundry. “If only others could be like him”, she sighed under her breath and turned to the fighting crowd in an attempt to bring the room to order……
Disclaimer -- This does not represent my judgment on anyone. Intended for a light read.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Of censors and bans
Not to be undone are my society people. Now mumbai is a city of immigrants. It’s a city where young people out of colleges and universities come to work, earn and burn. When I first came to mumbai, the thing that I liked was that there are every strata of people here, from the poorest to the vulgar rich. Also all ages, from all regions of india with the same objective, make a living. No doubting that this is the financial capital of india. So first there was this tomfoolery about marathi manoos, as if they were rightful owners of the state and jobs should be reserved for them. Well, if that does become their stance, there is no doubt jobs will move elsewhere, bases will shift to other avenues. Good then that this died down. But the more perplexing trend is of no flats to be leased to bachelors. This reason alone makes a more compelling argument for marrying than anything else. But again a higly skewed perspective of the bygone generations. Anywhere else I would have accepted this conservatism, but to witness the same in mumbai is disheartening to say the least. Then there is the gunda mentality of the ruling polity that mandates the name of shops and organizations to be spelled in marathi or hindi. While we yearn to give an outlook of an open society, such censures, bans and diktats just accentuates our hypocricy. Time will only tell if people here truly open up or implode under the weight of all the rules it puts up under various pretexts. And im surely hoping that it is the former rather than the latter that happens.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Boogie Woogie dancin shoes...
Butterflies!
Then college came, the path became longer, but the boy didn’t mind, he still walked on some days, took the over-crowded bus on others. He saw the sweepers as a nuisance; the dust had him hiding his face behind the handkerchief. It got in his head and on his shirt, which bothered him now; it would spoil his looks, his appearance in class. The mounds of sand were left un-noticed, no longer walked upon or even ventured near. The park was now no longer a detour, yet the path through it went right across, diagonally through the lush green field instead of around it on the path. Time became more important, attendance a word of importance in the daily vocabulary. The college was still though a place to meet friends, to discuss of plans for movies or eat-outs, plans of visiting new places. No longer was the teacher required to look towards the board for mischief to be done, impudence was cool now; being sent out of class a thing to be proud of. No bells rang for end of the day, people made do with their watches to remind the professor it was time for them to go. The walk back was with friends, stopping at the numerous stalls lining beside the road for “chai” or some snacks or for no reason at all, something that became called as “adda”. Fights became more common, mostly for girls as they were in short supply. Money management became very important, as money was also in short supply for the never-ending desire for newer clothes, movies, restaurants and “addas”. Gaming outdoor became less frequent; the new buzzword was LAN gaming with friends, into the dead of the night, eyes sore and rash throats from all the shouting.
Then came office and work, the path now was rarely walked upon, rickshaws were used. Time was of the essence. Same mounds of sand were cursed upon, for obstructing the path of traffic. The parks were left on their own, never visited, viewed from the outer as people went through their early morning jogs and walks. The office was no longer a looked forward to destination; it didn’t contain many friends, just colleagues, with families of their own, discussions always veering on the markets or general work. Here, the day ended when the boss told you that it would, 9 to 5 concept became something of a theory, something that existed on paper, though never to be followed. Here the path back was not lined with any tea stalls or marshes with butterflies, no friends walked alongside sharing their day or the latest gossips. The only companion was your everlasting shadow, never talking back or differing in opinion. Money was now no longer an issue. Gaming outdoor became a forgotten concept, gaming indoor became single player; friends almost never there at the same time.
This boy looks at his life now, he has everything that he could ask for, enough money for unlimited movies; enough games at home for a lifetime of gaming; what he doesn’t have is time, friends close by or those wonderful butterflies that ran amok in his house, spreading color in what has become a colorless life.
Saturday, June 20, 2009
A Taxi Ride
The drive from our hotel to the airport in Phuket was all of 40km.As is usual, our last minute follies ensured that we were hard pressed for time to reach the airport before the check-in counters closed. We exited our hotel in search of a cab to drive us to the airport, but the late evening ensured that the streets were vacant and the only taxis in sight were the motorcycle taxis which promised us “Boom Boom and cheap lady”!(a good alternative if we missed our flight) So we progressed down the small street (called soi in Thailand) towards a wider more frequented road in search of an elusive taxi when we heard a man calling out from a very old looking Ford vehicle (looked more like NE 118 to me). He would take us to the airport and would charge us pretty much the same as a normal taxi would. For lack of a better option, we decided to board the rickety vehicle and thus commenced a hilarious conversation that would be one of the longest that I have had with a native during my week long stay in Thailand.
He checked us up in the rear view mirror, eyes squinting. I had an impression he was trying to size us up. Not in a menacing way as Thais seemed to me a race unable or incapable of causing harm to others. After about 5 minutes, when he reached the highway, and I half expected him to speed up, he slowed down, changed lanes to one which had slow moving traffic and started speaking.
TD (Taxi Driver): “Where you come from?”
Us: India
TD: “Aah..India…..so you Hindu…or……(looking at us with a solemn expression)
Us: Yes Hindu
TD: (face lighting up) Gooood…..you no Muslim…….good…
Us: Why you say so? You no like Muslim? (When in Rome, be like Romans. I used improper English to make him understand)
TD: Noooooo….I can talk to youuuuu….Muslim……lower level…..u know….(smiling and gesturing with hands to signify lower…like to say smaller)…..I no talk to Muslim…..I can talk to you……
Us: Why?
TD: Muslim people no good!! Theyyyy….aaahhh…they tricking…they lying…they thieving….u know….aaah you know!! They near border……aah….no no…they no good! They bombing, they drugs….u know…..aah you know….Pakistan eh! (breaking into a knowing smile which we were forced to join in)…..Yeah….u I can talk to…..we respect….
Us: (No response other than a smile)
TD: India….aah…I like very much…..aah…..many computer…..u computer man?
Us: Yes
TD: Yes yes….you looook like computer man….he he….yessss….india very good in computer…….also…I like very much…..indian movie industry….yees…I like very much…..i see many movie….yes!! I like….that hero….aah…what is his name……aah I like very much……Indian hero….
Us: Amitabh Bachhan?
TD: No no….aah he come movie…aah I don’t remember name….Asssoka…aah
Us: Ashoka….Shah Rukh Khan?
TD: Yeeeeeeeeeeeeesss!!! Very good herooo….good looking Sharookh…..i see many movie….yes yes….a good man…..dance very nice…..I like very much
Us: But he is a Muslim (with a sly smile)
TD: WHAT!! (almost bringing car to screeching halt, looking in the rear view mirror incredulously at me….while I couldn’t stop laughing)……..no no…..Sharookh muslim…..oho……I not know…….oho……no no…Muslimma….no good!! No watch his movie from now….(Sharook muslim….muttering under his breath again and again while I burst laughing watching his transformation from being happy and gay to start moaning as if somebody died)
He was quite for some time, sinking in the new and very painful information. Then he started again
TD: You know…….aah….yes…there is no…*$%#@ here (I couldn’t quite get what he was referring to)…..so I can speak to u yees…..yes….i no like the king….yes yes I can say to you….cannot say that in open…..
Us: Why you do not like him? (Just to pass time rather than really interested in knowing)
TD: No no…..he not good…..he like monfoly……you no monfoly…yes?
Us: Monopoly?
TD: yes yes……aah he use monfoly……no change…..old people like him…..they yellow shirt….i red shirt…..i like change…u no….(holding the collar of his shirt to show its red..(was greean actually)…..king’s wife no gooood….take to much moneeyy….Thailand no doing good………….i like democaracy…….but that also has......what to say……some bad things…….i like prencc….u know….prencc…
Us: WTF? French?
TD: yes yes…..prenccc…..i like prencc very……they like democaracy……and communistic……and like both mix…..i like mix….take gooood of democaracy…..and gooood of communistic….and mix (whapping both hands together to form a ball..…like capturing a mosquito in between, incredulously, no hands on the steering wheel)………aah……u no America…….aah America……they very samart…..they know…..
Us: What? (Losing completely the track of where he was heading with this argument)
TD: U no sapechy??
Us: Specie?
TD: aah yess…..sapechy…..sapechy sapechy do not change……u no…(finds completely blank faces when he sees us through the rear view mirrors)…….aah like…….dog….dog is dog……dog not human……dog not cat……u no
Us: Okaayy (getting a feeling he was either drunk or delusional both)
TD: America……..they put pig flu in mexico………and they see……u know pig flue…
Us: Swine flu?
TD: yes yes…….pig flu……they put in mexico and they see…….they put that flu in china last year…..then they see……they see what happen………very samart……u no…pentagan…..aah yes yes u no….pentagan yes yes……they have lab under pentagan…….they make flu…..they make calone (clone)…..they very samart (pointing his fingers to his forehead to signal intelligence)……very samart america
We were amused more than anything listening to this conspiracy theory of his, unfortunately we had to ask his to quicken up, we were in real danger of missing our flight. He did so and got us there just in time. Along the way he asked us about India, places to visit, told the story how he got dengue fever and lost one year of pay and losing a lot of money, exchange rates, and much more. Needless to say, it was one of the most entertaining taxi rides I’ve had.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
"The Wall" shall always stand tall

Starting his career on the English tour, with the seaming,swinging,overcast and cold blustery conditions is not the easiest introduction to cricket. Yet, in typical fashion, the successful introduction to cricket that Dravid had was overshadowed by Ganguly in the series. Coming in with India at 5-202 and just the tail enders to follow was not the situation for a traditional top order batsman to commence his test career. Yet Dravid took to the task like duck to water and gave a sumptuous display of strokeplay which had the purists cheering. With the South African home and away series next, it was baptism with fire for him. Yet Dravid gave a glowing account of his talent. People would forget statistics over time. But ask any cricket lover, and he would tell you that India folded up for 100 and 66 in the two innings of the Durban test in the 1996 season. Few would remember that Dravid stood unconquered in the second innings scoring nearly half the Indian total. He went on to top score for India on the unsuccessful tour, almost setting up a stunning victory in the final test, only to be denied by a Messrs Klusener and the timely intervention of rain.
Statistics confirm that Dravid has been the best away batsman for India over the past decade. Indian batting for long was also termed as the paper tigers, good only at home. Yet Dravid would be sole exception having averaged better on away matches than at home. It is then unsurprising that he has been the mastermind of many a famous victory, the one against Australia in Adelaide in the 2003-04 season being the most remarkable. For until Tendulkar's recent maturity in closing out matches notwithstanding, Dravid was the most dependable batsman in a run chase in difficult conditions. McGrath regarded him as the most difficult batsmen to get out in the Indian batting order, better than even Sachin when India toured in 2003. Nicknamed "The Wall" for his tight defence and ability to shut out opposition seamers, Dravid was again the unsung hero when Laxman became the toast of the cricketing fraternity in the famous Kolkata test against Australia, many forgetting that it was Dravid who held forte at one end while Laxman butchered the Aussie bowlers at the other. Many attribute that turning point to be the turning point of Indian cricket, when we metamorphosed into a team of believers. Fitting then, that Dravid was one of the vanguard of this change.
Few have been shuttled up and down in the batting order like Dravid has, having played at every position from 1 to 7 in tests. He donned gloves despite being a top order batsman in the ODIs to provide balance to the team. He opened the batting when no other dared to, made the number 3 position his own. Not surprisingly, it is the most important position in a batting line-up, coming in when an opener has fallen early with the responsibility to shied the middle order from the new ball. He accepted captaincy when others had declined, gave it up of his own accord, convinced that it was time for the younger brigade to take over, and lost his place in the ODI team shortly thereafter despite a healthy record. Protests broke out when Ganguly was dropped from the ODI side for poor performance, barely an eyebrow was raised when Dravid was. That in essence sums up Dravid's contribution to Indian cricket. Always willing to fight it out and ready to be the fall guy, sacrificing glory in the greater good of the team, but significantly, always staying out of the limelight and below the radar of any controversy, Dravid has quietly penned his name in the list of all time greats. As the sun sets on his brialliant career, it is time for us to appreciate and applaud a true gentleman, the likes of whom the game may never see again for generations to come.